attack of the one-celled creatures

If it seems like I've been a bit lazy about posting lately, there is a reason. I have been attacked by some sort of one-celled creature. They have been ravaging my stomach and digestive system. All part of the joy of living in the middle of nowhere in a third world country. Over the past two weeks, I have received all kinds of 'wonderful' local advice. Let me list some of the more interesting bits:

• Drink vodka with black pepper
• It is because your stomach is cold, you need a warmer coat
• After taking only my temperature and blood pressure, a doctor decided I needed 5 different medications and that I have an ulcer, food poisoning and amoebas
• (from someone not a doctor) You need an injection of antibiotics
• You need someone to cook for you
• You should eat soup
• You should eat rice
• You should eat vegetables
• You shouldn't eat vegetables
• You should drink dairy
• You shouldn't drink dairy
• (two weeks after it started) It's because young men cook for themselves and don't eat breakfast
• (wisdom of my boss) I CERTAINLY would have done [insert random tidbit] and I CERTAINLY would have done [insert random tidbit] and I CERTAINLY would have done [insert random tidbit]...

Here are my solutions... clean the water supply, stop using the community eating method (where every dish is fair game for double dipping, hands and used forks and spoons), wash the dishes with soap and clean water at the restaurants and have the cooks wash their hands after using the restroom. That cleanliness grading scale used for Los Angeles restaurants sounds like a wonderful idea to implement here. To bad it would mean closing every place you could eat. Not that it matters. All of the places serve the same 2 or 3 soup dishes, the same poorly cut piece of meat smothered in something like breading and grease and shashlik. Heaven forbid you ask for variety?!

The battle for control of my stomach wages on. Some days it seems like my medicine cocktail is working, others it doesn't. I think that all I need is some Pepto to straighten things out. Unfortunately, nothing shipped to me from the States ever arrives so I ran out long ago.